Monday, August 31, 2015

Truthfully

Truthfully-

I will have no problem filling the seven hours I have away from the kids each day. I will be able to take long runs, take classes, get the grocery shopping done in peace, clean the house and have it remain clean for more than 5 minutes, plan dinners, run errands any time I want without having to drag 4 unwilling captives with me, take a shower without 10 interruptions, actually fix my hair after said shower, weed the garden, clean out overstuffed closets, organize hundreds of photos in waiting, turn my blog into books, volunteer at school to my heart's content, and make appointments at ANY time during the day. Really, the possibilities are endless.

Truthfully-

I really don't care about any of those things.

Truthfully-

I'm heartbroken.
This is the first time in almost thirteen years that I will not have a little buddy by my side throughout the day. Part of me can't help but feel that I am having to say goodbye to the sweetest part of my life. A part I will never be able to get back again. I will never have little kids at home with me again. Part of me feels as though something has died.

Yes, I know there are more wonderful, fantastic adventures ahead. I know life will still be golden and lovely. I love my kids today more than I ever have and not as much as I will tomorrow.
I just can't believe we have gotten here so quickly. I'm not ready. Truly, I'm not. I want more time.

There is an ache in my chest. A hollowness. I can't catch my breath.
It is the end of an era. There they go. And go, and go, and go.




Dear God in heaven,
please be with my children as they start a new year.
Help them to work hard and do their best.
Keep them safe, happy, and healthy.
Give them a love for learning.
Help them to grow in confidence and independence. 
Show them how to be compassionate.
Let them be a friend to all, kind, and loving.
Let their failures motivate them to try harder.
Let their successes humble them.
Help me, Lord, to be patient, understanding, loving, and wise
in guiding them through this school year.
Be with my children, Lord.
Let your light shine in them and through them
and keep them close to You.

Amen

11 comments:

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

But now think of the quality of the time you'll enjoy without SPLITTING the to-do list with having your kids around!

Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? said...

I see this as a light at the end of the tunnel...well, that sounds terrible. But, you know when you are in the thick of it and having 7 hours seems insane? I'm there now! And, I have two days with 4 hours and it's not enough time to get everything done.

At the same time, I miss them and swear I think I'm waiting for a nap to end when nobody is home!

Kat said...

Krystyn- You know what is really funny? I get so many comments of "what are you gonna do all day?" so often that I started to wonder if it was too much time. HA! I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off. There is so much I am doing, it is a little crazy. I went to my workout at 8 this morning, got back around 9:30 and I still haven't showered because I've been so busy cleaning, and gardening, and cleaning the guinea pig's cage, and scrubbing bathrooms. And I still have 3 errands that I have to get done before the kids get home. Then it is rush through homework, dinner, and off to football practice. UGH!
Never enough time in the day. ;)
Hang in there on those tough days. You'll be here before you know it.

betty said...

They look so happy with smiles on their faces :) I hope they have a great school year!!

betty

Bijoux said...

I miss my college son the most when I think about him as my little buddy. Sigh.

Mom24 said...

(((hugs)))

At least you're not getting, "when are you going back to work?" That's a popular one.

Kat said...

Mom24- Trust me, I've gotten it at least a dozen times today. I also got a snarky comment on FB today when my BFF and I were commenting back and forth for 5 minutes. It really ticked me off. It implied that is what I do now that the kids are off to school. I listed the million things I did today and the fact that I thought I could have 5 minutes of FB. Nevermind the fact that the person making the snarky comment was mostly likely at WORK and using company time and getting paid while he was on FB. AHHHH!!!!

Elaine Alguire said...

Oh honey, I feel this so much too. It's too quiet around here now... ((((HUGS))))

Riahli said...

It's so hard isn't it!!! Beautiful post and lovely prayer. :)

Midlife Roadtripper said...

You are still incredibly busy. But this seven hours offers you an opportunity to recharge. When my last one went off to school, I spent the first four months breathing. Then in January I began Sarah Ban Breathnach's book Simple Abundance -- A Daybook of Comfort and Joy. That book changed my life. Made me a better mom, better wife, better citizen and a better me.

Just breathe for now.

Kat said...

Midlife- Thank you. I am still busy. I like it that way, I think. :)
I'll have to pick up that book too. I want to be a better mom, wife, citizen, and me too!

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson